More Practice

By on Jan 20, 2014 in addiction, art, Flow, recovery

Still practicing looking for beauty where I am, where I am, where I am. I don’t know how it is for other people but for me, almost chronically, this is so hard. I believe I’ve talked about this out loud before, about my addictive nature, and that before becoming conscious of this, it was my habit to want to be someplace else, someplace better. A couple days ago we were in Laguna Beach, CA. I took this picture there. Looking at it now I’m wondering how this could be true, that in my mind I was predominantly having trouble being present. But look: so much obvious beauty! It really is a mind affliction. I’m working on it and it ain’t easy. I’m also working through Julia Cameron’s book “The Artist’s Way” for becoming unstuck as an artist. So the companion piece to being here now is making art physically in the present, as a...

Practicing. Beauty Here.

By on Nov 11, 2013 in addiction, Authenticity, los angeles, spirituality

My new favorite cooking show on TV these days is Heartland Table with Amy Thielen. Amy lives in rural Minnesota and features Midwestern foods she grew up with. Perhaps this does not seem a natural choice for me (I am Asian American, originally from Hawaii/California) but for some reason it’s hitting home right now. Maybe because I’m always trying to figure out what to make for my boyfriend who (is not from the Midwest either but) doesn’t care for Japanese food, or anything with quinoa in it, and I have been inclined to try to present to him both. Utter failure. To give him credit he did take me out for a wonderful Japanese meal the other night, fulfilling my sudden craving for agedashi tofu, and he only whined a little. Anyway, Amy Thielen’s Fried Onion Dip and Maple Bread with Soft Cheese: THE BOMB. So Midwestern foods don’t relate much to my life in...

A Systems Shift

By on Oct 11, 2013 in addiction, art, Authenticity, recovery, systems

I’m working with some sheets of watercolor paper that I had painted while living in Santa Fe, NM. I know one of them I painted while sitting on the 200 year old wood floor in the gallery where I also lived and that I’d been watching the movie Bright Star and was deeply impressed by its beauty/combined with pain and longing. I was feeling the richness of the colors and thinking about the lives of poets in other times. Today it’s sunny and I’m in Southern California. There’s carpet on the floor where I live now, so it’s not as romantic to be sitting on it painting. Summer is over and I’m glad not to have to be worrying about wasps. I was making these watercolor sheets into small cards but now they look like book covers for a one poem book. I love this place where something is developing and I’m listening gently but deeply for where the...

A Trip to the Post Office to Mail Some Poetry Books

By on Oct 9, 2013 in addiction, art, Authenticity, books and publishing, callings, poetry, Uncategorized

Yesterday I mailed some of my Kickstarter poetry books out. (I’m having to mail them out in slow, small batches, because of all the problems I’ve been having producing them.) I went to the ghetto post office that is near our house. I wouldn’t say we live in the ghetto, but that we live on the border of one. But I don’t know, I guess it depends on how you define ghetto. (I just looked up the definition of ghetto: a bad neighborhood where minorities live. This definition irks me, but unfortunately it is as true as it is irksome. Anyway.) Two of the books were going to Israel! I have never been to Israel. For the purposes of shipping them, I debated the value of the books with the postal clerk, a black woman who was not young and not old. I said they were books of my poetry that I had made and that I would have to make up a value. I’m not even sure what made...

A Note About the Interviews

By on Jul 10, 2013 in addiction, art, Authenticity, callings, Interviews, poetry, recovery, spirituality

It’s been an amazing experience so far doing these interviews. They’ve been mostly conducted with artists, of varying mediums. I’m fascinated with the process artists use and one of the connections I’m looking to make note of  is how  art-making can support living authentically, as a process, in addition to being an important means of self-expression, catharsis, and a vehicle for joy and beauty. (The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron is an important reference for how to physically enable the artistic process, especially for those experiencing some degree of stuckness in their creative flow.) I’m also very interested in addiction, and especially recovery from addiction. Why? Because I suffer! I want to live out the true purpose for my life. There are a few things that make this difficult and addiction is of the most difficult. Mainly because, as it is...

The Cure for Workaholism

By on May 26, 2013 in addiction, recovery, spirituality

Workaholism. The other day on CBS Sunday Morning Jennifer Lopez admitted to the interviewer that she works a lot, like yes she’s workaholic, and isn’t working good? She had this tone in her voice, that seemed to me to be making light of it and justifying it at the same time. I think this is the general attitude to workaholism in America. That it’s a good thing. And you’ll be thought of well, feel productive, possibly be very wealthy as a result, and perhaps you’ll even be mega, mega famous. These would be good things if in the end it conveyed the fruits of your authentic self instead of shielding you from it via an ever so wily cycle of addiction. I think it’s important to be aware of this. Otherwise the things we pursue in the world end up leading us away from ourselves instead of closer to what’s more real and more meaningful. There’s a...


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